you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
