I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Randomize
