the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
