Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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