I want to have your abortion
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize