So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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