You made me cry and you don't even care
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize