you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
