Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
