I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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