I am spending my child support on dildos
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
