Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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