i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize