My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
