he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
