were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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