sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
