I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
