Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
