dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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