I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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