So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
