Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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