In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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