Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
