proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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