At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
