Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
not ubering you a puppy
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
