either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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