If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
