i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
