We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
