i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
