I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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