Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
