I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
