Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
