When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
