Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am naked and annoyed.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
