Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
