My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im holly from the hills drunk
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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