it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
