god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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