Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
