I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
