No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
