And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
