Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
