god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
