i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
