I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
