tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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