Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
