dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
