Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
