I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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