i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
