My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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