I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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