Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
