Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
