how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
