Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
