so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
