If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
