glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
