I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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