just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
