Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
