Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
