he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
