I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
