we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
