remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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