I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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