She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
